Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
