thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
