I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
