youre lurking in front of me
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
