Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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