I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
