so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
