Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
