im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
