if you like me you must not know who I am
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
