I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
