Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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