she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
