i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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