just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
