Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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