So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
