He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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