well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
