I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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