I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
