i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
