i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
