from now on my penis is your penis
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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