I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
