Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
