Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
