I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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