oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
