Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
