oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize