i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it's like iHOP with fire
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
