I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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