She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
