That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize