You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
