She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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