I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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