so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
