It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
