Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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