i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
