It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize