Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
