I'm so fucking centered right now
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
