Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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