Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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