Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
