my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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