I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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