You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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