don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Couch. On fire.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
