We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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