I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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