Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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