So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
