In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
