The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So here I am, sexting at work.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
