with your own penis?
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
did i walk over a car last night?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize