and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
