all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
