like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
