I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
