I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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