actually, I'm a sock model
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was like giving head to a cactus.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
