She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the liver wants what the liver wants
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
