Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
