FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
