Me too!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
