what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
