that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize