Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
