Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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