david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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