She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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