OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
