i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
